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“Some people may also have been burned in [the past], where their schedule may have wrecked a relationship and may be more cautious as a result,” Durvasula says. D., a clinical psychologist in private practice in Manhattan, agrees.“There can be some reality to the idea of being too busy to date,” she says.Rather than obsessing over why he isn’t spending more time with you.If you are going to talk to friends or family about him, make those conversations about the nice things you have done together, rather than all of you fixating on him not seeing enough of you and reading too much into that. But don’t put your life on hold while you fit in with his schedule. Do your friends and family make you feel like being in a relationship is very important?And now there’s a new one making the rounds: “I’m too busy for a relationship right now.” It has all the makings of a dating cliché, but experts say it might be more than just a flimsy excuse.“I actually applaud people who recognize that, because otherwise they are just going to frustrate a partner,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph. Maybe someone is studying for the bar exam and barely has time to take care of themselves, or has a job they know requires all their time and energy right now.
“Do not think that you will change their mind,” Durvasula says.Don’t play games about meeting up but don’t drop everything when he is free if you have something pre-arranged. Is it because of unrealistic expectations or romanticised ideas about relationships and the belief that if someone likes you they must be with you as much as possible? I might guess ‘yes’ given how your family seem to view a very normal early dating situation as evidence of him not being adequately committed to you.Where might those ideas have come from and are you able to resist or question them – seeing them as being unhelpful in your life now? Are you someone who is prone to anxiety or unable to relax and enjoy what you currently have?He may be someone who always has a lot going on in his life, maybe or maybe not by choice. Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working in International Health Care and studying sex and relationships. Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you are giving your permission for her to use your question as the basis of her column, published online at Wonder Women.In thinking about what you want from a relationship it might be you need someone who will put you first and desire a partnership where you spend a lot of time together. All questions will be kept anonymous and key details, facts and figures may change to protect your identity.
“It often turns out that the time when we’re trying to establish our career and identity is the same time that we’re supposed to be looking for a mate.”Of course, there’s also the chance that someone is just feeding you a line.